Camas, WA: Hey Portland, Twilight Is Worth A Trip Across The River!

Twilight Pizza Bistro
1905 SE 192nd Ave, Stuie 101
Camas, WA 98607
Phone number (360) 833-1919
Website: twilightpizzabistro.com
Prices: $$$$

A good friend of mine recommended Twilight, having only good things to say about them. Being new to the area, we decided to give 'em a shot.

They changed the TV channel so I could watch my Dodgers versus the Diamondbacks (NLDS Championship Series) and our server was extremely friendly, helpful and efficient. She even told me about their 20% Military Discount, a generous savings and 10% more than most places offer ... HOOAH!

The garlic bread ($6) was pretty good, but overpriced by at least $2 and the Caprese salad  ($7.95) lacking enough mozzarella, but otherwise the food good and prices reasonable.

Garlic Bread $6

Caprese Salad $7.95

The place is comforting to the eye and the food good. What more could you ask for? My wife had the Baked Mac and Cheese ($11.50) with penne pasta in a rich, creamy Tillamook cheddar sauce, topped with breadcrumbs, then baked ... savory and tasty ... YUM!

I built my own pizza ... I'm so proud ... a 12 inch "The Cheese Stands Alone" with a tomato sauce and mozzarella base on hand tossed crust ($11.75), adding Italian sausage for $1.60 ($13.35 total). Excuse my French, but there was a shitload of sausage on the pizza. Big slices of whole sausage covered the pie, probably 1 1/2 - 2 sausages in total. Can you say sausage fest? This pie was pretty damn good! 

Draft beers are $4.75 to $5.50 for a pint and my IPA was cold and frosty, making me extra hoppy (get it?). For two appetizers, two meals and a draught beer, the total came to around $47 with tax, but the 20% military discount brought the total to just under $37 plus tip ... whatta bahgain!

They even have Happy Hour Sunday through Thursday from 2 to 6PM and Friday and Saturday from 2 to 6PM and 9PM to close (dine-in only-available throughout the restaurant). You can save $2 on an appetizer or glass of wine and all draught pints are $1 off.

The only reason I deducted 2 Bombs was because of the overpriced garlic bread, much more tomato than mozzarella on the Caprese, and a total lack of salami. No salami in an Italian joint? Salami pizza is my favorite, so add some damn salami to the topping menu and mozzarella to the Caprese, and maybe I will upgrade my rating ... CAPISCHE?

CombatCritic Gives Twilight Bistro 9 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better!

Eight Bombs Equates To:

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Read Chris S.'s review of Twilight Pizza Bistro on Yelp

Title: Camas, WA: Hey Portland, Twilight Is Worth A Trip Across The River!

Key Words: Twilight Pizza Bistro, twilight, pizza, pasta, bistro, Italian, Vancouver, Camas, WA, Portland, OR, CombatCritic, TravelValue, travel, value, restaurant, menu, review, Yelp, Zomato

Translation for Civilians: WTFO! = "What-The-Fuck ... Over!"

Copyright 2017/2018 - 3rd Wave Media Group, LLC and CombatCritic - All Rights Reserved

Portland Golf Courses: Not Cheap, This Is A Great Layout In Less Than Ideal Condition

Heron Lakes Golf Club 

3500 N. Victory Blvd

Portland, OR 97217

Phone number (503) 289-1818

Website: heronlakesgolf.com

Prices: $$$$

For a Robert Trent Jones, Jr. design the "Great Blue" is obviously a great layout with loads of bunkers, water, and big, undulating greens. Unfortunately, the conditions do not do justice to Mr. Jones creation.

The fairways remain rough (pun intended), very tightly mowed and dead in many areas. With all of the water (Heron "Lakes") we have been getting, you would think that they would have filled out, but it appears they do not overseed and the fairways remain a problem (many dead spots - Great Blue). The greens were aerated recently and are obviously less than perfect, but the animals that play here obviously do not understand golf etiquette and refuse to repair divots (fairway) and ball marks (greens), contributing to the problems. Thanks a**holes!

Unlike many golf courses, the staff in the pro shop are friendly and helpful, but the snack bar is a different story. The staff are indifferent, rude, and/or lazy. They act like they are doing you a favor by taking your money and do not even bother greeting you much less returning a friendly "hello". Their beer prices are higher than they should be ($5.50/pint) and there is no such thing as Happy Hour. Maybe those are a few of the reasons why the place is normally empty.

We finished our round at 6:30 PM last night, at least 30 minutes before dark, and wanted a post-round beer to kill some time and let the I-5 log jam disperse before hitting the road. We stood at the bar for five minutes until, finally, the guy cleaning the grill in the back yelled at us through the serving window "we're closed". Closed, really? There are still people on the course, you have living, breathing customers waiting to spend money and only want a beer, but you cannot take the time to serve them? I get the impression that these self-reported "contractors" do just the minimum and get the hell out of there ASAP. Could be part of the reason that you cannot find any sign of the food concession on their website. BOOAH!

My original rating was based on the $30 green fee special, but their "standard"prices are out of line for a city course not in great shape. Ranging from $33 (shoulder season/walking/weekday) to $56 (riding/weekend, it is not exactly a bargain, especially in its current condition. Unfortunately, they reportedly are not extending their "Centennial Card" program and do not offer an annual membership, but their MultiPlay Rewards Card ($949/48 rounds) brings the price down to just under $20 (not including cart) if you can play that much. For comparison, I paid $1100 for 100 rounds ($11/round for the mathematically challenged) at my previous home course (Eagle Bend) in Lawrence, Kansas, a much better course and in immaculate condition. Heron Lakes has rare "Hot Deals" through GolfNow ($17/Greenback and $19/Great Blue), but do not expect any discounts unless the temperature is forecasted to exceed 100 degrees or rain is expected.

CombatCritic Downgrades Heron Lakes From 7 Bombs Out Of 10 To 5 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better!

Five Bombs Equates To:

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Read Chris S.'s review of Heron Lakes Golf Club on Yelp

Title: Portland Golf Courses: Not Cheap, This Is A Great Layout In Less Than Ideal Condition

Key Words: Heron Lakes Golf Club, Heron lakes, Heron, lakes, golf, club, course, public, POrtland, OR, CombatCritic, TravelValue, travel, value, restaurant, menu, business, review, Yelp, Zomato

Translation for Civilians: Charlie-Mike = "Continue Mission"

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Vancouver, WA: "I Know Nothing" Except That Sergeant Schultz MIght Even Like Gustav's

Gustav’s Pub & Grill
1705 SE 164th Avenue
Vancouver, WA 98683
Phone number: (360) 883-0222
Website: gustavs.net
Prices: $$$$

With three locations in the Portland area (two in Oregon and one in Vancouver, Washington), I had no idea that the cuisine was Hungarian/German from the name until we gave them a try. They places look modern and nondescript from the outside, but have warm wood tones and German decor inside. This one is more "German" than the Tigard location with high, beamed ceilings, German state flags, even a mini German street scene in the back of the entry as you walk in.

With Happy Hour, a Portland tradition, Monday through Saturday from 2 to 6 PM and 9 PM to closing and all day Sunday in the bar, two can eat and drink quite well for under $30. They have a nice selection of eats from $4.75 (e.g. potato pancakes or Bavarian pretzels) to $7.75 (e.g. cheeseburgers or schnitzel clubs). Two German biers (Paulaner Oktoberfest and Warsteiner Dunkel) are $4.75 for a .5 liter stein and all other draughts are $1 off.

HAPPY HOUR (See Translations Below If You Don't Sprechen Deutsch)

"Original" Fondue $6.75 ... Sehr Gut! (Best value in the place)
- Decent size cast iron pot (bowl) full of hot, creamy cheese served with plenty o' cubes of pumpernickel and other breads.

Bavarian Pretzel $4.75 ... Gut 
Soft and hot with spicy mustard. $5 is the standard price at most places for similar pretzels, so not a super Happy Hour value - make it $3.75.

Sausage of Your Choice $5.75 (Nürnberger Brat) ... SoSo (Tasty, but very small for price)
- Thinner than a hot dog, but longer, this sausage tasted good but was unsubstantial for almost $6. $4.75 should be the max price for this weiner.

Potato Pancakes (3) $4.75 ... Sehr Gut!
- Thin, crisp and yummy, served with small sides of apple sauce and sour cream.

Shepherd's Pie $6.75 ... SoSo
- An English staple, not German, this atypical dish is small with cubes of beef in a goulasch-style sauce then covered with mashed potatoes and cheddar cheese (?) and baked.

Cabbage Roll (2) $6.75 ... Gut
- Cabbage stuffed with ground meat, rice and spices, then baked in a savory sauce with chunks of tomato, carrot and onion.

MEALS

Hungarian Veal Jäger ($18.95) ... Gut, but not a stupendous value
- Could be served with a salad, cup of soup, sauerkraut and/or red cabbage for this price and be perceived as a much better value. The veal scallops were small and the mashed potatoes underneath almost imperceptible. The sauce was delicious and topped with an abundance of fresh sauteed mushrooms.

Pork St. Moritz ($15.25) ... Sehr Gut!
Kinda like cordon bleu, but with the ham and cheese on top instead of inside. The two large, pounded and breaded pork scallops were sauteed then topped with Emmentaler cheese and Black Forest ham, served in a delicious Madeira sauce with creamy mashed potatoes and vegetables. A good value, adding a house or Caesar salad for an additional $3.95 makes it a meal at just over $19.

1. Sehr Gut! = Very Good
2. Gut = Good
3. SoSo - So-So
4. Nicht Gut = Not Good
5. Scheisse = Shit

We have tried both the Tigard and Vancouver locations. The buildings and decor are slightly different, but the menus and food seem identical. The service has been friendly and efficient on all three visits thus far.

My sole complaint was the Oktoberfest I ordered last night (above) that came looking like someone had taken a huge gulp out of it with well over an inch missing from the top of the mug. German (and English) bartenders take pride in filling glasses to the brim, either with beer or a head rising to the rim. This one had either been sitting for quite a while (so the head disappeared) or was a short pour. In any event, it should have been repoured or at least topped-off before being served.

CombatCritic Gives Gustav's 7 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better!

Seven Bombs Equates To:

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Read Chris S.'s review of Gustav's Pub & Grill on Yelp

Title: Vancouver, WA: "I Know Nothing" Except That Sergeant Schultz MIght Even Like Gustav's

Key Words: Gustav's Pub and Grill, Gustav's, Gustav, pub, German, Hungarian, Portland, Oregon, Vancouver, WA, OR, CombatCritic, TravelValue, travel, value, restaurant, menu, review, Yelp, Zomato

Translation for Civilians: S&G = "Shits & Grins"

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Tigard, OR: Cafe Allegro Disappoints In A City Void Of Decent, Reasonable, Homestyle Italian Food

Cafe Allegro
12386 SW Main Street
Tigard, OR 97223
Phone number (503) 684-0130
Website cafeallegrotigard.com
Prices: $$$$

Not horrible - the food is a mostly inauthentic version of Italian (even though their website claims "authentic gourmet Italian cuisine") and definitely not "gourmet"- in an area void of ANY Italian restaurants much less GOOD ones. The menu is too big and there are hardly any dishes (pasta, pizza, entrees) that you would find on a decent restaurant's menu. More on that later.

I had the Caprese Salad ($7), the most authentic item on the menu except for the overly sweet balsamic vinegar, something you would NEVER see on Caprese in Italy or any respectable stateside Italian joint. Otherwise, it was nicely presented and the price fair. My wife had a house (side) salad that was fresh, yet unremarkable, and overpriced by at least a buck.

A native of the birthplace of pizza, Naples (Napoli), she ordered the Four Cheese (Quattro Formaggi - $10) pizza without tomato sauce (there should not be any tomato on this pizza in the first place). The pizza looked good, except for the cheddar cheese (cheddar on a pizza?), but the taste was extremely bland, no detectable seasoning whatsoever. 

I had the "Chicken Prosciutto Scalopine" ($18 - "scaloppine" has two "p"s BTW) in a pretty good Marsala sauce. Unfortunately, the dish was a mish-mash of spaghetti and veggies (tomato, broccoli, carrots, zucchini) topped with chicken breasts, prosciutto and cheese, then broiled. The chicken topped with prosciutto (no cheese) in a Marsala sauce and a side of pasta, for example, along with a dinner salad would be a simple, authentic dish and a fair value at $18.

The place is simple and the decor somewhat dated, the service attentive and friendly. If it were my place and I wanted to succeed, here are some things I would consider:

1. Scale down the menu considerably

2. KISS ... Keep It Simple Stronzo - simple, fresh ingredients and "traditional" recipes

3. Dinner salads should be included with entrees or a $2 to $2.50 add-on at most, not $4

4. Loose the cheddar - it does not belong on anything claiming to be Italian

5. Update the dining room - it is tacky, not "romantic"

There are a shitload of Mexican, Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese and Pub-style restaurants in the Tigard area, but not a single decent Italian restaurant within 10 miles. People LOVE Italian food, hence its Top-3 status among Americans, so a restaurant that could do Italian right, not quirky, would likely thrive in this area. We were there at 7:30 on a Saturday night and there were just three other parties in the restaurant. How this place has survived since 1991 is beyond me, particularly considering their prime location in downtown Tigard.

FYI - My critiques are meant to inform readers based on my experience and perception as well as provide business owners with honest, constructive feedback, not slam them unnecessarily. I want businesses to succeed, not fail, so my comments are provided with no ill will. I hope the owners take my opinions and suggestions with an open mind, possibly increasing the quality and profitability of their restaurant. This place should be packed on a Saturday night.

CombatCritic Gives Cafe Allegro 4 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better!

Four Bombs Equates To:

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Read Chris S.'s review of Cafe Allegro on Yelp

Menu

Title: Tigard, OR: Cafe Allegro Disappoints In A City Void Of Decent, Reasonable, Homestyle Italian Food

Key Words: Cafe Allegro, cafe, allegro, Italian, Italy, pasta, pizza, Tigard, Portland, Oregon, OR, CombatCritic, TravelValue, travel, value, restaurant, menu, review, Yelp, Zomato

Translation for Civilians: BOHICA = "Bend Over, Here It Comes Again"

Copyright 2018 - 3rd Wave Media Group, LLC and CombatCritic - All Rights Reserved